Tragedy in Sedona - Sample Chapters

Contents

Acknowledgments
Publisher’s Note
Foreword
Introduction
1. The Sphinx - EGYPT • OCTOBER 4, 2008
2. A Lifetime Learner Meets James Arthur Ray - HARMONIC WEALTH WEEKEND • FEBRUARY 2007
3. Homeless in San Diego - CREATING ABSOLUTE WEALTH • MAY 2007
4. Most Empowering Week of My Life - PRACTICAL MYSTICISM • JULY 2007
5. If I Can Do That, I Can Do Anything! - PRACTICAL MYSTICISM • JULY 2007
6. I Am NOT My Hair! - SPIRITUAL WARRIOR • SEPTEMBER 2007
7. Be Careful About Volunteering - SPIRITUAL WARRIOR • SEPTEMBER 2007
8. Meet James’ Sweat Lodge - SPIRITUAL WARRIOR • SEPTEMBER 2007
9. World Wealth Society Is Born - QUANTUM LEAP • NOVEMBER 2007
10. Magick Isn’t What It Used To Be - MODERN MAGICK & WORLD WEALTH CONGRESS • APRIL 2008
11. Guiding Others Through Their Empowering Week - PRACTICAL MYSTICISM • JULY 2008
12. James’ Sweat Lodge Gets Even Hotter - SPIRITUAL WARRIOR • SEPTEMBER 2008
13. The Mother Ship - EGYPT • SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2008
14. What Happened to Being Spiritual? - THE END OF 2008
15. Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures - EARLY 2009
16. But It’s MY Goal! - PERU • AUGUST 2009
17. We’re Done! - FALL 2009
18. The Tragedy - SPIRITUAL WARRIOR • OCTOBER 2009
19. Did You Hear the Big Bang? - THE END OF 2009
Epilogue - WHAT DID WE LEARN FROM ALL OF THIS?
About the Author 345

Publisher's Note

I agreed to publish this book only when the author assured me this would not be a muck-racking "tell-all" tome written to frighten the reader about the spiritual self-help movement. Transformation Media Books focuses on publishing authors who are dedicated to improving the lives of their readers in the Mind, Body, Spirit genre.

Personally, I have experienced and benefited from many of the books, workshops and seminars that the media and general public have considered “brainwashing” or “cults.” While I never attended a James Arthur Ray event, I did meet him once at the start of his career and found him to be as charismatic and engaging as described in this book.

This is the story of one woman who followed a spiritual path and heard a message that did improve her life but she did not, as the saying goes, “mix up the message with the messenger.” As this book is released, James Arthur Ray goes to trial on three counts of man - slaughter and is facing numerous civil suits. The courts will decide his fate.

To the best of the author’s ability, this is an accurate account of her experience and that of other participants at James Ray International events. References and photos are available at: www.tragedyinsedona.com.

Many individuals’ names in this book have been changed to protect their privacy.

This book is in memory of Colleen Conaway, Kirby Brown, Liz Neuman and James Shore who paid the ultimate price in a quest to improve their lives. They will not be forgotten.

Ginny Weissman, Publisher
Transformation Media Books

Foreword
By Carole Lieberman, M.D.

If the Law of Attraction is true, then James Arthur Ray must have been thinking some mighty powerful self-sabotaging thoughts to have ‘attracted’ the debacle he’s in now.

In his book, Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want, published a year before the sweat lodge incident in Sedona, James unwittingly revealed the clues that explain why and how he unconsciously attracted this tragedy. As with all unconscious manifestations, the seeds began in his childhood.

“I was the kid with the big Coke bottle glasses and buckteeth who everyone made fun of . . . . To make matters worse, I failed at every sport. I just curled up inside myself to avoid the pain. Since I knew I’d never get the girls being a nerd . . . I became a workoutaholic . . . . Becoming a competitive bodybuilder seemed like the answer to all of my problems. But getting attention from girls for the first time in my life didn’t squelch my feelings of being a loser, an imposter. If anything, it made me more nervous . . . . My body had become big and strong, and yet in my mind, I was still that weakling who sat alone in the cafeteria, terrified of his own shadow. So I got a new motorcycle, believing that having monster horsepower at my command and all the physical freedom that comes with that would finally do the trick and morph me into a bona fide stud. The last thing I remember about my first ride was a set of headlights coming straight on. Then I woke up in the emergency room. That sense of power was gone, replaced by searing pain . . . . I felt cursed, doomed to remain small and insignificant.” And what better antidote to such a curse than becoming a world famous guru? Since the motorcycle didn’t do it for James, he undoubtedly hoped that having lots of devotees and lavish toys would.

“The hardest part of my childhood was reconciling how Dad poured his heart into his work, how he helped so many people, and yet couldn’t even afford to pay for haircuts for me and my brother. Mom would sit on the front porch to give us buzz cuts while the neighbor kids would stand nearby and laugh . . . . How could a loving God keep me from the Cub Scouts on account of not being able to afford a uniform?”

From the time he was a little boy, sitting in the front pew of his father’s Midwest church, listening to sermons about how hard it would be for a rich man to be close to God, James began searching for ways to rationalize how he could possess money, status symbols, fame, eternal youth, sex appeal, and meaningless relationships, while still being spiritual. It did not seem to dawn on him that the concept of being a ‘billionaire spiritual guru’ was an oxymoron.

Becoming a guru was simply a cover-up for James to feel less insecure and inadequate, a false self that he hung on his shoulders like a shroud. It was a psychological defense that precariously hid his ‘inner nerd’. And as his flock and his bank account grew, he fell into the trap of believing his own PR.

James’ debut in the film, The Secret, thrust him into the spotlight—with the appearances on Oprah and Larry King Live that he’d been trying to attract for years. He thought his newfound paradise would never end. But, as the buzz wore off, and his popularity and income began to wane, his arrogance, desperation and obsession with death soared. The psychological defenses he had constructed—his hopes of being the first ‘billionaire spiritual guru’, so that he would have the last laugh on his childhood tormenters—were failing fast. No longer protected from the demons that haunted him, his repressed painful memories washed over him, and drove him to the edge of the cliff he had boasted of in the past. It is no wonder that he attracted the self-sabotaging ‘death’ that occurred at the Spiritual Warrior retreat in Sedona.

Call it a messiah complex, imposter syndrome, wounded narcissism, sociopathy, too many experimental drugs, sadism or a death wish for himself—no one should be recklessly damaged or die in the pursuit of spiritual awakening.

In regard to an earlier time when his life had imploded, James wrote, “My first big lesson was that everything appearing in my world was of my own creation . . . . I had no choice but to go deep and look at my life and ask, ‘How have I created all this pain for myself? How have I gotten so hideously off track?’ . . . . I wasn’t living as a spiritual person. I had only thought I was . . . . Maybe the lesson is that when you begin to think you’re ‘the bomb,’ the universe loves you enough to drop the bomb. Thump.”

If his earlier bomb dropped with a “thump,” the 2009 Sedona sweat lodge tragedy dropped a bomb that went nuclear, decimating his credibility and the James Ray Empire. Unfortunately, the bomb also landed on some of his most devoted followers and, literally, decimated them in the process.

James needs to go back and read his own writings. Some of his spiritual lessons are quite insightful. But, somewhere between shopping for a Porsche and a house in Beverly Hills, taking countless supplements and steroids to try to look like a perpetually young stud, and clinging desperately to the fame and fortune that his appearance in “The Secret” brought him . . . he lost his way.

Ironically, James wrote, “One day, I saw a mother duck and her ducklings crossing the highway. The path was dangerous, but the mother waddled with great purpose. Her babies followed without hesitation, marching in perfect step . . . . It provided me with a valuable insight. Being a teacher and an author is a big responsibility. It’s a precarious dance I do: provoking, encouraging, stimulating my students without disempowering them . . . . I’m always wary of those spiritual leaders who encourage their students to follow them in blind faith like ducklings, without questioning the path ahead or checking in with their own inner guidance system—spiritual leaders who are unaware that they may be leading their students right into oncoming traffic. I don’t want you to follow. I want you to explore.”

Really? The sweat lodge participants tell quite a different story. Indeed, James’ use of neuro-linguistic programming, hypnosis, crying on cue and other persuasive sales techniques was more insidious than a mother duck’s intentions. His ‘playing God’ and commanding his followers to die, in a game purportedly designed to teach some esoteric lesson, desensitized them to the real danger of his acting like God in the sweat lodge, where he commanded them to be “bigger” than what their inner voice was telling them, and to stay inside. So when he reassured them, “You may feel like you’re gonna die, but you’re not,” they believed him. Before they marched into the sweat lodge, James had painstakingly promoted a growing trust in him by showing his followers that they could accomplish bigger feats than they had ever imagined: breaking blocks of wood and concrete with their bare hands, bending rebar and arrows held to their throat, joining him in his death-defying dance . . . until it was too late.

Tragedy in Sedona is a behind the scenes look at the rise and fall of the James Ray Empire, through the eyes of an ultimately disenchanted follower. Connie Joy takes you on her personal and authentic journey—from being a devoted member of James’ inner circle and Dream Team to realizing that the Emperor has no clothes and trying to warn others. Connie’s instincts for self-preservation stopped her in her tracks before it was too late. Others, who followed James into his ill-conceived sweat lodge, were not as fortunate. Three were cooked alive, and the rest were traumatized physically and emotionally, leaving visible and invisible scars that will remain with them forever.

James’ megalomaniacal behavior has left a trail strewn with victims—not only those in the Sedona sweat lodge, but those whom he previously disappointed, deluded, and drove into bankruptcy or misery. Yet it would be far more unfortunate if the self-serving actions of this one troubled man, haunted by his childhood demons and driven to increasingly desperate attempts to rid himself of his ‘inner nerd,’ were to discourage others from pursuing their quest to find answers to life’s mysteries and fulfill their most cherished dreams. One shouldn’t throw the baby out with the fancy bottled bath water . . . or the aromatherapy candles. One should follow one’s own path, study the wisdom that’s been handed down through the ages, and even some carefully chosen New Age or modern gurus. But when one’s inner voice is shouting a warning to get out of the heat . . . or away from the guru’s persuasive psychopathological manipulation . . . it’s time to run!

In Harmonic Wealth, James wrote, “The Darth Vader move, as I call it—the transition from a man of light to a monster of darkness—can happen at any level. Regardless of how high you grow and evolve, you can still fall . . . . You need to guard against this as if your very life depends on it . . . . The allure of increasing wealth and fame is always a seductive reality, slithering around your ankles, ready to strike in the blink of an eye. It’s even seductive for me, and I know what to watch out for, my anti-venom always at the ready because it gets really comfortable receiving adulation and gifts, the accoutrements of success.” His own words lead us to the inescapable and ultimate question: where was his “anti-venom” when he needed it most—in Sedona?

(Carole Lieberman, M.D., M.P.H. is a Beverly Hills forensic psychiatrist, who examined two of James Ray’s followers who were in the sweat lodge that fateful day of tragedy in Sedona. Her background encompasses additional experiences that give her deep insights into self-styled gurus like James Arthur Ray. These include having: spent weeks in the Peruvian Amazon convening with shamans and experiencing their ayahuasca ceremonies, hiked to the vortexes of Sedona with guides of the spiritual and llama variety, been in the ‘inner’ orbit of other gurus, written Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How To Live with Them and When to Leave Them, and — like James — been on Oprah and Larry King Live.)

Introduction

When I first started writing this book, its title was going to be, My Spiritual Journey to Egypt and Peru as a Member of James Arthur Ray’s Inner Circle. I even hoped the charismatic and highly intelligent James Ray would write the introduction. A lot has changed in the last year.
To be more precise, it changed in an instant.

On October 8, 2009, while vacationing in Maui, my husband Richard and I started receiving phone calls and texts from friends who were in Sedona and participating in the now infamous sweat lodge run by James Arthur Ray. Other mutual friends relayed messages from those who were too ill to call us directly. We heard an acceleration of tragic news: many of our friends were injured, some severe enough to be treated at a hospital; one dear friend was on a ventilator; one was in critical condition (and eventually died); and two were dead. After experiencing a James Ray sweat lodge two years earlier, I knew his version of this ancient ritual was an accident waiting to happen. At most, I was expecting someone to suffer some degree of brain damage. Even I did not foresee James going so far as to literally bake his clients to death!
Our minds immediately filled with should haves, would haves, and could haves. Should we have been there? We had planned to serve as volunteers at the seminar, but we backed out for several reasons. I felt the sweat lodge run “James Ray style” was dangerous and, sooner or later, something really bad was going to happen. We were growing more and more disillusioned by his rapidly growing aggressive behavior. Had we been at Spiritual Warrior 2009 in Sedona, we would have been among the people most likely to stand up to James, as we had in the past.

Earlier in 2009 in Peru, James called us “the trouble makers in the World Wealth Society.” It’s a designation we are not ashamed to hold, especially considering what happened just two months later at Spiritual Warrior 2009. The World Wealth Society (WWS) consisted of the people to whom James referred to as his “inner circle.” We were among the original-founding members. Could we have been even more vocal about our concerns? How could we have communicated more clearly to those whom we had previously warned? At what point do you have to let people follow their own path?

After the tragic events took place in Sedona, I stopped writing my book. Who would be interested in what I had seen and learned, especially when it concerned what I had been taught by James?

During Christmas 2009, we visited my parents in Prescott, a town close to Sedona. We also decided to visit our friend, Vera, the tour organizer of our trip to Peru with James. She convinced me the message of my journey still needed to be told, maybe now more than ever, so people could better understand the events that led up to that tragic day, how it could have happened, and why the people who suffered and died in that lodge were there in the first place.

From January of 2007 until the end of 2009, Richard and I attended twenty-seven seminars and events presented by James Arthur Ray. The media dubbed him “The Rock Star of Personal Transformation,” a term he liked to use, even at the end of his emails. He promised to instruct us in a mix of spirituality and quantum physics that would transform our lives. We would have to agree there has been a transformation in our lives; we now have a regular meditation, supplementation, diet, and exercise program. We have traveled to Egypt and Peru with him, and explored the ancient spiritual teachings from those areas. Through James, we met our current financial advisor, our anti-aging doctor, and many of our dearest friends. This all came at a very high cost, somewhere around $200,000.

We did not set out to spend this much money on our spiritual growth. Before we met James and started to follow his teaching to “live (and spend) from the outcome” (translation: don’t let your current situations dictate how you live now), we would have been considered financially conservative. To James, our current state is a result of how we thought in the past. He spoke of basing current decisions on how we want to be in the future. For many things, this approach works well. Financially, this worked very well for James, though not necessarily for his students. Was that a flaw in his teaching, or by his design? I will let you, the reader, decide.

All of this would have continued if not for a very sad, disastrous day on October 8, 2009. We felt certain after the problems with the 2007, and especially the 2008, sweat lodges James would tone down the heat and number of rounds he administered to a more reasonable level. After the injuries at his previous events, why didn’t he get the message he was literally playing with fire?

A lot of questions to be sure. Many I hope to answer in this book. I will show you the James we knew before his appearance on Oprah and Larry King Live, the “old” James, and what happened after those appearances that led up to this disaster. Since the Spiritual Warrior seminar in September 2007, I voiced my concerns about the safety of the participants in James’ extreme sweat lodge experience. I sent out an email on October 10, 2007, rating that activity 0 out of 10 because of its danger. This email appears later in the book. Our vocal opposition to his practice of pushing people too hard, and our attempts to find less dangerous options for all of us, is partially why we locked horns with James in the lobby of a Peruvian hotel, where a heated argument took place just weeks before the Sedona tragedy.

At the same time, we are very appreciative for all we have learned from James. Therein lies the dilemma we and his other students face: separating James the man from the often-deep quality and wisdom of his teachings. We need to be able to separate the message from the messenger.

It is my primary intention to show those who attended his seminars were not mindless cult followers. We are like-minded people, many very successful in our careers and businesses, who knew the way we treat each other and our environment can and must improve. We are people who constantly endeavor to hold ourselves to a higher level of integrity in our daily actions. Because of our association with James, we learned and made tremendous strides in our lives.

When you finish reading this account of my experience, I hope you are better able to understand how intelligent and caring people could follow James Ray into a grossly overheated tent and stay there while he slowly cooked them to death. Why is it important for you to know this? So something similar doesn’t happen to you or someone you love. Our instructor was a human being with his own agenda and issues. At what point did his prime directive switch from helping his students improve themselves—and the world around them—to focusing squarely on himself, his ego, and his personal financial wealth?

Our extended family of James Ray seminar participants and WWS members are struggling to find closure, which will not come for most until long after the forthcoming trials are completed, and the legal system metes out its determination. We are working together to find and validate the value of the lessons we learned and the changes we made in our lives, while identifying and finding a way to accept our teacher’s shortcomings. What do they say about converting and manifesting skills and talents? Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.

As with any issue, especially one as emotionally charged as this, two main camps have formed. First, there is the group who want to see James thrown in jail for a very long time. The other side of the spectrum consists of chronically co-dependent people. It doesn’t matter what James does; they will continue to hold him on a pedestal. As Buddha taught, the true way is the middle path. To find peace in your soul the answer will lie somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. That’s where many of us fall now.

Most of all, I do not want James’ actions to cast a permanent shadow on the desire of many people to learn and grow. There are many great teachers out there, but at some point, we have to become our own gurus, take what we have learned, and apply it to how we live. The unfortunate reality is that with spiritual teaching, like any other product being sold, we have to be careful consumers—even if our teachers are of a religious or spiritual nature. I am not a big fan of regulation, but unless some steps are taken to provide full disclosure of event contents and the presenter’s qualifications, this type of tragedy can happen again.

Connie Joy
July, 2010

CHAPTER 2
A Lifetime Learner Meets James Arthur Ray

Harmonic Wealth Weekend
February 2007

Intellectual growth should commence at birth
and cease only at death.
—Albert Einstein

..... Soon after James Ray started his talk, he asked us to introduce ourselves to each other. No one was approaching him, so I did. When I shook his hand and introduced myself, he commented on my name badge, The Joys of Real Estate, and how that was a great company name. I was impressed he would notice, considering all the people moving around the room. He seemed open and friendly, charismatic and approachable. He talked about practical applications of ancient wisdom and spiritual practices in today’s world. He meshed quantum physics with spirituality. He said that quantum physicists were today’s mystics, that our forward-thinking scientists were proving that the teachings of ancient mystics were true. In college, I loved physics, but was always too busy getting the formulas correct to spend time contemplating what it all meant; time folding back on itself, parallel universes, alternate realities, and now the proof that more than one atom can occupy the same place at the same time.

Richard has a PhD in Engineering from Stanford and I have a BS in Computer Science from Santa Clara University’s school of Mathematics. We were drawn to the blending of science and spirituality. It appealed to us and we wanted to know more. Richard told me to hurry to the back of the room and sign us up for James’ next seminar. That was uncharacteristic of him; usually, he needed time to think about it. I was usually quicker to make snap decisions and act on my gut feelings.

Two red flags popped up that I brushed off. I noticed the extremely hard-sell techniques James used to get participants to sign up for one of his future events. Early in this lecture, he asked, “If I can show you a way guaranteed to get you everything you want in life, would you do it?” The crowd responded loudly and affirmatively. He repeated the question again, this time asking us to raise our hand if we would do what he said. A little while later, he challenged us to fill out the credit card information at the bottom of the event enrollment form “just so you will be ready in case you decide to take the next step.” It was James’ way of showing us what to do to get what we wanted in life.

He introduced his next event, an entry-level seminar, Harmonic Wealth Weekend (HWW). I thought the price was very inflated. He went on to tell us all the things he would throw in for “free,” one at a time, if we signed up right now. After that he dramatically reduced the price—if we signed up right now! And then the grand finale: if we sign up today, we receive two tickets for the price of one!

In retrospect, this was very clever. James motivated us to bring someone to the seminar. Once there, he deployed these same high-pressure sales techniques to get both parties to sign up for much pricier seminar packages.
The second red flag launched us from our seats to the back of the room. He announced a HWW seminar coming up in San Diego, but it had been sold out for many months. Too bad, he said, because it would be a long time before another was offered locally, and we’d have to pay for travel and other expenses to attend in another city. BUT, he added, we were in luck! Amazingly, his staff made room for 20 more people to get into the San Diego seminar. To be fair, they’d release those spots on a first-come, first-served basis at the back table now! Everyone else would have to be waitlisted. Richard and I had already decided we wanted to attend, so I scurried to the registration table. When I arrived, Megan, James Ray International’s (JRI) Chief of Operations, was handing out slips of paper with the number 1 to 20 written on them. There were easily more than 50 people crowded around the back table. Miraculously, they agreed to accommodate everyone, so no one would be left out. How nice of them!

I was somewhat amused. I knew what James was up to. It was the slickest and pushiest sales pitch/manipulation I had ever seen. I was interested in the material, and I was one of the “lucky” ones who got a piece of paper with a number on it, so I didn’t care much at the time. I had seen similar sales pitches for other seminars. I should have considered he wasn’t trying to sell me some real estate sales training, or new gadget; he was supposed to be a spiritual teacher. How did his approach fit into taking the high road in business and life?

After the talk, we walked up front to get our picture taken with James. He seemed pretty open and friendly, and we already looked forward to his next seminar.

Harmonic Wealth Weekend started a month later in February. From the first moment, we experienced quite a spectacle. When the doors opened, we were met with a wave of very loud upbeat music. People raced past us, aiming for the tables in the front by the stage. The volunteers known as the Dream Team, danced in unison on the stage. When we got to our seats, we were encouraged to stand and dance as well.

The energy level in the room was very high, and the speaker about to introduce James was trying to whip the crowd into a loud cheer. There was plenty to see for the visual people, and the music rocked for the auditory people. As soon as the music stopped we were asked to hug three people. Even the “touchy feely” people received something. He engaged each type of person from the very start; smart. Nothing was left to chance.

At the beginning, we were given our mantra: You must constantly study, understand and immerse yourself in that which brings you power (strengthens you) and avoid everything that weakens us, and EVERYTHING counts. During the ensuing seminar, James demonstrated a technique of Applied Kinesiology (AK) discussed in length in David Hawkins book, Power vs. Force. It utilizes the apparent increase or decrease of your body’s muscle strength to gauge if something in close proximity to your body is “good” or “bad” for you. If it is good, or the answer to a question is true, you will stay strong. If the opposite is the case, your body will show weakness.

The process involves two people who have removed their watches or any electromechanical devices. The first person asks the questions and applies pressure on the other person’s outstretched arm to gauge whether the arm remains strong in response to the question or goes weak. If the person can keep their arm in the air, even when pressure is applied to their wrist, then the answer to the question is true. If they cannot hold their arm up under the same pressure, the answer to the question is false. If they are holding an object close to them and remain strong, it is good for them. If they go weak, then it is not. Before beginning the test, questions are asked with obvious “yes” and “no” answers, to give a feeling for what a strong yes/true reaction feels like, likewise for no/false reactions.

James used this principle to demonstrate that artificial sweeteners are bad for your body. He put several into an unmarked white envelope and asked different people to test it. Everyone’s bodies went weak when they were tested while holding the envelope to their solar plexus. He passed around another unmarked white envelope; this time, everyone tested strong. The second envelope contained natural sugar in the raw. He went on to test different music CD’s and different emotions. The results were amazing. Our bodies instinctively knew what was good and true, proving that a bad environment and/or negative feelings affect our physical health in a detrimental way.

One of James’ most effective ways of getting a point across was to act it out. He told us to offset the negative effect of one cup of coffee or one glass of soda, we needed 32 times the volume in water! Richard, a lifetime lover of Pepsi, never drank another after that day. James demonstrated how we set ourselves up for a difficult day from the moment we awaken. We first get out of bed, likely with too little sleep, the body still working out the toxins from the prior day. We head into the kitchen to our first cup of battery acid . . . oops . . . coffee. While drinking we turn on the news and listen to what is wrong with the world, what disastrous things happened since we last watched the evening news the night before. As we shower, we anticipate a difficult employee/client/boss who we’ll have to deal with. While on the subject of difficult people, it reminds us of another difficult or obnoxious person we don’t like. So, just how much bad stuff and negative feeling do we stuff into our bodies during the first few minutes of each day? “You have just made yourself weaker without ever realizing what you are doing,” he said.

James also told us not to watch the evening news, and to never fall asleep with the TV on. What we hear and think about before falling asleep become auto-suggestions for our brains to mull over all night. Also while falling asleep; the unconscious mind still hears what is being said and what commercials are pitching, even though our conscious minds are not alert to filter the messages. The unconscious mind considers everything truth; without the conscious mind to evaluate the input, it all goes straight in as fact. James desfined two types of people: peasants, who fear and resist change; and warriors, who embrace change as an opportunity to learn and grow.

He told us the difference between intention and attention. Intention is what you intend to achieve in your life. Attention equals love. We give our attention to what we really care about; unfortunately, some are in love with their misery. If you want to know what people really care about, look at their checkbooks and calendars. Everything else is empty words.

James taught us what he called the Harmonic Wealth Wheel. I have seen other presenters use a similar circle to determine how balanced our lives are; a great tool. Each spoke of the wheel represented one area, or pillar, of our lives: Financial, Relational, Intellectual, Physical, & Spiritual. According to James, these areas need to be in harmony with each other for us to feel that we have harmonious, happy lives. Complete harmony will never happen. It is a constant dance. If one spoke is seriously out of whack, it will affect the others. People often mistake money for wealth, but you can have a lot of money but not an abundant life. James used the timely example of Brittany Spears as someone who had many gifts in her life, but not happiness. Now you can replace her example with Tiger Woods. The man definitely has a strong financial pillar. Money is not a problem for him. From all reports, he is very smart. His physical pillar is strong in both body and environment. His beautiful house and surroundings, as well as the best playing conditions possible, have allowed him to continue to improve and excel. With all that going for him, is he currently living a happy and fulfilling life? I don’t think so; his relational pillar is a very public mess. Shortly after his infidelities had become public and his marriage was in serious trouble, he was named Athlete of the Decade. I could not help but think it must feel like a sad, hollow achievement, because he had no one with whom to share the joy.

Could his fame and athletic skills alone be enough to give him a happy life? No. We need all spokes of our wheel to function well. If one pillar is in serious trouble, it will negatively affect the others. Do you think Tiger’s family troubles affected his career? Judging from the way he faded down the stretch in the last several major golf tournaments, it’s a safe assumption. He is still famous, but is he proud of what people think of when they hear his name? While his family life was in shambles, could any amount of money make life fulfilling for him? Money is important, but it alone cannot bring happiness. James taught us that money is a magnifier; it will magnify who you really are. If you have an off-kilter pillar, then the lack or abundance of money will throw gas on the fire in that particular area.

A wealthy life contains more than money. This was one of the more common misconceptions when people heard us talk about wealth or the Harmonic Wealth Weekend, or later the World Wealth Society. To them, it always meant trying to acquire more money. While it is true many people were working on that particular pillar, there were others working to improve different areas.

To have a more wealthy and abundant life, I needed to fortify my physical pillar. I needed to improve my health. Money was not my main focus. In fact, it was behind my intention to create a stronger relationship between my God and me, and to improve the time I spent with my daughter before she headed off to college. I also wanted to improve an already good relationship with my husband. So after the physical, relational and spiritual pillars, I then turned my attention to the financial one. Even in the weekend seminar, the money pillar was discussed last.

I like the idea behind the Harmonic Wealth Wheel. However, I split Physical into two distinct pillars—Physical Body and Environment. You could be in great physical condition, but living or working in a mess. Or, you could be living in a palace but not caring for your body; consequently, your health is at risk. For these reasons, I don’t think you can lump them together. This concept was similar to one taught to us by our real estate coach/mentor, Brian Buffini. Instead of calling one area the Physical pillar, Brian called it the Personal circle, containing both your physical and emotional state. He taught us this was one of five overlapping circles (aspects) of your life. There, the similarities ended. Brian would stage an event such as Mastermind, where he would bring in great guest speakers to talk to us about different aspects of our lives. His seminars drew 5,000 to 6,000 people, a number about which James could only dream.

Whether Brian was speaking in a packed convention center or to a couple hundred people in a Turning Point workshop, he always spent time discussing our financial pillar/circle, specifically about budgeting and living within our means, saving and investing. People hear about the big commission checks a real estate agent makes, but what they don’t realize is it is expensive to market and sell a home. We incur high overhead costs such as licensing and fees. It is easy for an agent to get caught up in purchasing all of the latest gadgets and gimmicks that promise to make selling a home easier and quicker, only to learn these expensive items often do little to actually sell the home. Our clients want us to buy and use them because they believe them to be effective, but experienced agents know that it takes just a few good tools, a lot of hard work, and a competitively priced home to sell it successfully. Sadly we have seen agents get recognized at a national event for being one of a company’s top agents in gross commissions, often taking in millions of dollars, only to find out a few months later they are bankrupt. Controlling overhead expenses in both business and personal life is essential, and Brian knows and preaches it to us every chance he gets.

James bragged about his car, multiple homes, traveling first class, Armani Suits and the like. Brian confided he lived for many years without furniture in some of his new home’s rooms. It was not yet in his budget. Saving for his kid’s college or making a new investment took priority. Wisely investing in his business took priority. Avoiding too much debt and saving were the verses of Brian’s gospel. James saw credit cards and credit as unlimited tools; leverage was a good investment strategy. Brian saw them as a tool to tightly control, and to cut up if you could not manage them. James saw no problem with us paying for his expensive seminars by credit card, even though we might have no way of paying for it when the bill came due. He always told the story in HWW of how he once charged about $10,000 to his company credit card when he worked for AT&T for a class he wanted to attend, knowing it was not the policy for his company to reimburse him for that type of an expense. He managed to miraculously increase his value to the company by bringing in more revenue; as a reward, they paid for his class. Interestingly, James’s favorite examples of how it was OK to overspend and take a big financial risk were for a class or seminar. He justified it because you would improve yourself, making you more valuable. That, in turn, would result in making more money and paying off the seminar fee investment many times over.

James always pushed the idea that if the class, or any item for that matter, was going to make you more successful or skilled, then you needed to live/spend now. He called it “living from the outcome” (being successful in your future). James taught us to live and spend now with abundance, as the person you were going to be (rich and successful) and you would attract that vibration into your life. If we act as though we are not abundant, or react to the scarcity in our lives, we will continue to attract that vibration into our lives instead. I know teaching to spend from the outcome was prompting many to overuse their credit cards and purchase very expensive seminar packages they could not afford, for which they might be paying years later.

Brian would teach the vital importance of living within our means, and that we needed to do so even if it meant canceling a seminar or our calls with one of his coaches until we could afford to put it back into our budgets. Even though Brian knew how valuable his seminars were to increase our businesses and growing our client skills, he always insisted that staying within our budgets was more important—even if it meant not attending an event for a while. He considered it preferable to stay out of debt for most everything, even his classes. James was the direct opposite. I never heard him advise someone to lower their credit card debt before signing up for more of his seminars. Instead, he openly encouraged charging—“and you should think of that charge on your credit card as investing in yourself for your future.”
Who was right? Well, James claims to be broke now, while Brian enjoys a comfortable debt-free life with a lot of passive income from his investments. Brian cared about his client’s financial health and longevity far more than he cared about making money from them, while James seemed to be more concerned with persuading people to pay for more of his seminars. They both believe they delivered an excellent product to their clientele. One didn’t want us to go broke doing it. James was throwing out mixed messages, especially about money. On one hand, he would talk about acquiring or manifesting the things you wanted in your life, and then, “It’s not about the $2 million house, but about the person you need to become to create that house.” I was especially confused about this living/spending from the outcome concept.

We moved to a different subject. If we want to change our lives and results, we must change our mindset. One of the main ways was by examining and dispelling limiting beliefs. These are the self-imposed beliefs that hold us back— “I am not smart enough, strong enough, quick enough, pretty enough, I don’t deserve it, and I am not good enough to be successful and achieve what I want in life.” These beliefs were formed while we were very young, usually before the age of 6, and imposed or passed along by parents, siblings, teachers, family, and friends. We’re aware of some of these; others lie outside conscious awareness. For the rest of the day, we zeroed in on the one limiting belief that contributes most to holding us back in life. We were given 8x11 inch pieces of wood, ? of an inch thick. On one side of the board, we wrote the limiting belief that we wanted to vanquish; on the other, what it would be like when we shattered the belief. This was tough work, requiring a hard look at yourself and what was going on in your life. I was able to write with my green Sharpie, “I AM INSUFFICIENT, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I AM LACKING!” Most people held their boards close so no one else could read them.

On the other side of my board, I wrote what I was breaking through to: “I am Good Enough! I CAN DO ANYTHING!” After instruction from James on how to break our boards with the flat section of the bottom of our hand, we walked to the back of the room and made a big circle. James was in the middle, pumping people up by demonstrating the technique —without ever actually hitting a board. Emotions were running all over the place. Some attendees were stoked and couldn’t wait to get going, while others slowly worked their way to the back of the group, clearly less than thrilled at the “opportunity” before them. I vacillated between each camp. James said our physical size had nothing to do with whether or not we broke our boards. It was all in our heads. We are energy, and the board is energy that only appeared solid. Mind over matter! Are we ready to give up our limiting belief? If not then we would unconsciously pull up just before hitting the board and not break through. We had to want it to be gone!

James then asked who thought they might not even try to break through their board. Several sheepish hands went up. James looked around, pulled the owner of one of those hands forward, a woman, from the back, and told her she was going to break her board in front of the whole group! Loud music started playing and the group started cheering. After several attempts, she finally broke through her board. After a larger cheer, we lined up into about 10 lines to take our turn at breaking our own boards. For my turn, the popular 1980s song “Eye of the Tiger” was playing, which helped focus me. This was either going to be easy or hard; I was hoping for easy. I followed directions to the T, oriented my board in the holder’s hands so I could clearly read the I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH printed on its center, pulled my hand back and slammed the board with all I had. It made a big thump, but the board was still solid. “Oh no, not again!” I exclaimed. I feared this could become a very public failure. Everyone was turning their attention to the woman struggling with her board. Me. I hated the attention, bad enough to fail, but now I had an audience. The crowd was rooting me on, wanting me to succeed. I was not used to that. My lifelong struggle with my weight was obvious to anyone who saw me; I didn’t need to draw attention to other ways I could fail. I was definitely not a secure person, nor confident in who I was and what I was capable of attaining.

A woman Dream Teamer ran over and talked to me, her face just a few inches from mine. She had to get that close so I could hear her; the volume level of the music and crowd noise was deafening. I kept my eyes on my board. She told me I had to want to break through my limiting beliefs. “Well of course I do; that’s not the problem,” I said. She kept insisting otherwise. We reviewed my form; I worked on calming down, centering and focusing, and pulled my hand back. I hit the board with less force than the first time. What’s up with that? I wanted to break that board and get out of there as quickly as possible. What was going on? Thoughts were now running through my head; had anyone ever not broken their board? Was I going to be the first? Was I going to be the only one tonight not to break the board? I didn’t want that notoriety. More people came over to my side of the room and screamed encouragement to me. Meanwhile, my hand was throbbing. Great, a bigger audience, just what I did not want!

The Dream Teamer took the board and looked on the backside “What part of ‘I AM good enough’ and ‘I CAN do anything’ do you not believe?” she asked. She pulled my attention away from the board and told me to look at her. She repeated the question. I didn’t believe it yet. I had just dug deeply to find out my major limiting belief was I was not good enough, and I didn’t have enough time to get through to the other side. Together we said, “I am good enough” several times until I could raise an emotional charge and truly believe it was possible. I was really sick of feeling inadequate, and I wanted that to end. I again squared up my body to the board, shaking, trying to hold back tears. I had forgotten half of what I was supposed to do, but I pulled my hand back and held it there for a moment. I’ve had enough of feeling like I am inadequate; I am good enough, and I am good enough to break this damn board. I pulled my hand forward and aimed for a point behind the board, on its other side, just above the chest of the man holding my board in front of him. The sound was different this time. I didn’t feel the board. I must have missed it. Then disbelief, as I watched the board break into two, with wood splinters flying all around us!

The man holding my board grabbed me in a big hug, while still holding one piece of it in each hand. I think he was more relieved than me! I thanked him for his patience, and then was directed to the other side of the room, where the other successful board breakers were waiting. The first person I saw was Richard and his big beaming smile! We hugged and then moved further to the back, where it was a bit quieter, and hugged some more. He kept saying, “You did it.” Yes I did. I faced down my biggest enemy—fear.

I then accomplished a second thing I had never done before: crying on Richard’s shoulder. I don’t cry easily, especially in public. I prefer to hold that card close to my chest and suck in the tears. This time, I was not sure exactly what I was experiencing, but I could feel the weight release from carrying the belief for as long as I can remember. It was almost two a.m., what a long and draining, but liberating day!

The next morning, we worked on adding three new beliefs to our systems. For me, they were:

1) When I commit to something, there is always a way.
2) There is no failure, only feedback, and a real master knows this as it happens.
3) The past does not equal my future; anything is possible.

So now we were on to our BHAG—Big Hairy Audacious Goals.

Several other lecturers had taught me this approach to goal-setting as well. If we set our goals to a level we can achieve by ourselves they are not large enough. We tell the universe we don’t need its help, and we are left on our own. First step is to become very clear about EXACTLY what we want and write it down. When the intention is clear, then the way to achieve will appear; don’t worry now about the “how.” Our goal had to be measurable, with exact amounts and dates. There would always be a gestation period we cannot bypass, but we can accelerate it with our actions. We ended up with clear, measurable goals written on a small card to carry in a clear plastic pouch. James’ session on goal setting was one of the best I had ever experienced. Despite James’ numerous annoying commercials in which he pitched his very expensive packages of future seminars, we were learning some really good stuff. We gained a lot from the seminar and were interested in learning more so we signed up for a couple more events in one of his packages.

At every event he told us he was a kahuna and had studied extensively in Hawaii, and a shaman with two different groups and had studied in Peru and the Amazon. We decided to study with him because we wanted to be exposed to a wide diversity of spiritual teachings, and then choose the path that felt the most “right” for us. As another long day neared its end, we moved to our final pillar: Financial. James was telling us money is just green energy that starts as a thought, and our current income is the result of our past consciousness and our consistent and programmed thinking. Many of us have been taught it is selfish and sinful to desire money, so we unconsciously push it away. We forget you can do a lot of good for yourself and others with money. “Love people and use money,” so the saying goes; it is the love of money that is the root of evil. James talked about the importance of not walking around with just a few bills in your wallet. Doing so promoted a feeling of lack and scarcity. He recommended carrying several $100 bills, with Benjamin Franklin looking back each time you opened your wallet, reminding you of your abundance.

I was among those people guilty of carrying very little cash in my wallet. Almost all of my purchases were by credit card, since it was easier and often more convenient. It also made business expenses much easier and more efficient to track for accounting purposes. But more than once, I paid for something with a few wrinkly dollar bills and a lot of change. I didn’t feel abundant at all, so I understood what he was saying.

Later I found his approach useful in another way. If I saw something that was going to be purely an impulse buy, then I made myself pay for it in cash. Seeing the bills pass from my hand to the clerk’s made a greater impact on me than swiping my credit card. I had to deal with the total amount on the spot, tax and all, and not wait for the credit card statement. Also, it removed the feeling that I needed to splurge on something to feel abundant. I could now look at the item and know I was more than capable of buying it with just the cash in my wallet. That knowledge made me feel more powerful and abundant than buying the item. Since making that change, I’ve rarely decided to buy a splurge or impulse item.

The last participation exercise was the “money game.” Some thought James told us to reach for our wallets and “take out the amount of cash that you are willing to invest in your education.” Others would argue he had told us to “take out all the money in our wallets.” Either way he then told everyone to hold the money over their heads. “Now go and exchange money!” That turned out to be the only direction volunteers could repeat when participants asked for further guidance: “Go and exchange money.”

There was a broad range of behaviors at this seminar, which I later learned to be the case at all of James’ seminars. This time I had a problem: I was not in the habit of carrying cash, so I had to borrow a five dollar bill from Richard to start playing the game, or so I thought at the time. Pink Floyd’s “Money” was blaring in the background, and people were looking at each other, bewildered. We started to ask each other what we were supposed to do. Every once in a while, James would yell from the stage, “exchange money.” We started exchanging exact amounts with each other. I would give someone my five; they would give me five ones. We did that for a few minutes. Bored, some people decided to move around the room, exchanging the cash in their hand for whatever amount another person carried. It didn’t matter how much it was. That felt pretty daring to me, even though I had started out with only $5. Eventually, most of the people exchanged their cash with others without stopping to look at what they received. At one point, I held a giant wad of bills; minutes later, I held a few coins. Once, I handed off several bills and ended up with nothing. The other person sheepishly said “sorry,” but I knew that they had received nothing from another person. At my next exchange, I handed off air and said “sorry,” to which the other person said that it was quite all right.

Suddenly James yelled, “Stop and return to your seats.” To my amazement, there were several people who never moved from their seats at any time during the game. Did they sit out of fear of losing their money? The point of the game James said was to recognize how you approached money in your life. Some people never stopped conducting even exchanges, winding up exactly with their starting amount. Some started with little and ended up with a lot, while others were not so “lucky” since it appeared they supplied the others’ windfalls. I started out with Richard’s five-dollar bill and ended up with a couple of Canadian dollars. I still have them floating around my office somewhere.

What would you have done? From my experience, the fun and the excitement lay in the rapid exchanges. You were “up” or “down” quickly, then moved on to the next person. Some hedged their bets in one of two ways. One was to stop and remove a bill or two from their hands and put it into their pockets, then exchange what was left in their hands. The other was to split the money and make an exchange with each hand, therefore cutting in half your chances of ending up with nothing. Needless to say, the people pocketing bills at each exchange had a lot of money. Many felt they were cheating by not exchanging everything they received. There was no cheating since there really were no rules. The point was to see how each of us reacted during and after the game. There was always one person who ended up with very little or nothing; this time, it was a college student who stood up and said he used all of his money in the exchange and did not have enough for gas to get back to school. “What did you learn from the exercise?” James asked.

“I should not have taken out all of the money that I had, because now, I have nothing and I am stuck.”

“Really, do you really have nothing?” James asked in a leading way. James went on to say the amount of our resources does not matter, but how resourceful we are. In the end, the student found out that all he had to do was ask the group for some money. Within a few seconds, he had more than he started with.

In other seminars, James would prod the “stuck” person to think of something of value they could do for another person in the room, a service or action for which the latter would be willing to pay. To my knowledge no one ever had to walk home. Sometimes we make things harder than they need to be. After this exercise, we took a break. I noticed something unusual as I was walking to the back of the room. Many people left their cash sitting on the table in plain view—after they had left the room! When I returned to my seat, I looked down to find my wallet sitting on my workbook. It seems that the money game did something to lessen our fear of losing our money, since we were clearly not protecting it like we did before the game. Did we feel if we lost it, we could obtain more?

James shared his proudest announcement during the seminar: in a few days, he would be a guest on Oprah! Though we didn’t yet know it at the time, this marked the turning point—his turning point. (People who had studied with James for awhile referred to his pre-Oprah! demeanor as the “old James.”) After the seminar, he pulled his chair around to face the left side of the stage. People lined up to get their photo taken with him and talk for a minute or two. He kept the interactions short because of the long line, but he was warm and friendly. I’m glad we got to see that side of him.

CHAPTER 18
The Tragedy

Spiritual Warrior • October 2009

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
—Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I first heard many of the following accounts from the 2009 Spiritual Warrior event, I was hesitant to write about them. They were so extreme and horrible, I wished they were untrue, or at least gross exaggerations. I had to sadly accept what I heard when some police interview transcripts were made public and I saw the same accounts given by multiple witnesses.

From all accounts that fateful week in 2009 started off the same as the Spiritual Warrior event we attended in 2007. From the first day, participants stayed up most of the night journaling. They played the Samurai game, where they were to demonstrate living with honor and integrity while doing everything to perfection. Again people were ordered to fall to the ground “dead” by “God”—James.

From what I have heard and read, it appears James’ description of the sweat and instructions to the attendees were remarkably similar to what he said in previous years. I again wondered if he was working from a script.

James had talked about his qualifications, “I was trained in sweat lodges by Native Americans and even Native Americans agree that my sweats are hotter than theirs.” Many people remember him bragging about it and how he was, “ . . . quite proud of my sweat lodge; it is the very best and most intense. Even the Natives say I have the best sweat lodge ever.”

We found out later that a local woman who stopped by to help out at the lodge told the police, “He completely disrespected the ceremony. I do not think elders would have taught that. I was told by (a man), who was told by elders, that they have gone to James Ray and told him to stop, that he wasn’t doing it right and was hurting people. In normal sweat lodge, you walk out refreshed and ready to eat a nice dinner, you don’t walk out sick.”

James must have given himself another promotion, because one witness told investigators James said he was a member “of four shamanic orders” and that he was an “ . . . employee of Tony Robbins.” We had always heard he was a shaman with two different groups, as well as a kahuna.

Why didn’t attendees bolt from the lodge when their bodies were telling them they were not OK? Like the previous year, the participants said James covered that concern beforehand when he said, “You think you are going to die, but you won’t die.” That, “it would get very hot but you would be okay.” And, “ . . . you need to surrender to death to survive it. It is going to be hotter than hell and you have to remove your mind from your body to survive this.”

James had further promised them, “It’s going to feel like you’re going to die. I assure you will not . . . if you pass out don’t worry, we will get you out” and, “if you pass out you will be taken care of.” James also told them, “you may feel like you’re nauseated and need to throw up.” This established a mindset that kept many of them in the lodge past the point where they were mentally or physically capable of making the decision to leave on their own.

James’ obsession with death continued. Originally a metaphor, it loomed constantly on his mind in Peru and Sedona. During the event, a JRI employee admitted James had said, “It was a good day to die.” I had heard him say it many times, but now it was becoming almost a theme with him.

It was well known that James liked to use his Twitter account often, even during events and excursions. During this event, he sent out “tweets” he later deleted. But they didn’t disappear. A couple of Twitter-savvy people claimed to find them, and this is what they reposted on the Internet:

JamesARay: is still in Spiritual Warrior . . . for anything new to live something first must die. What needs to die in you so that new life can emerge?

JamesARay: Day 5 of SW. The Spiritual Warrior has conquered death and therefore has no enemies, and no fear, in this life or the next.

I have often heard him say these things in person.

Many of the participants either knew about sweat lodges or had spoken to others who had been in traditional Native American sweats; they knew or were told about pleasant experiences. For people familiar with a “real” sweat lodge, they have asked me, “How could someone die in one?”

This was not a “real” sweat lodge. According to Amarya Hamilton, one of the owners of Angel Valley, “Sweat lodges traditionally consist of four rounds with four to six hot stones brought into the lodge in each round, yielding a total of around 20 stones.” In my opinion, what made James’ lodge turn deadly comes down to time and temperature, and only one person controlled those two variables.

After being told by James that he was trained and qualified to run a lodge, and after promising they would be OK even if they passed out, an estimated 56 people filed into the sweat lodge behind him around 2:30 p.m.

[This chapter continues...]